I’ve realized that I’m not perfect and though I may strive for perfection, being perfect is just not possible. I’m an imperfect mother though I may try my best and today, I want to share with you some tips on motherhood and coming to terms with being an imperfect mother. In fact, I have come to embrace the fact that I’m not perfect and that has allowed be to be a better mother.
To all of my children:
I’m sorry that I’m not perfect, but in my defense, I’ve never claimed to be.
Yes, as you get older, your image of me will shatter or at least crack. And as much as I would love to stay on that pedestal that you seem to have elevated me on.. I won’t.
I’ll try, but I will never be as great as you imagined me to be. And I’m sorry for that. I would love to remain perfect in your eyes, because goodness knows it’s nice to be perfect. But, sadly, I’m not.
Please do remember that even though I’m not perfect- that doesn’t mean that I’m not right.
I’m trying my best, there’s no manual for parenthood and I’m going to make mistakes.
I’ve already made a few and I don’t want any of you to suffer for that. Please know that from now until my dying breath, I love you all very much. I will always love you and you will always be my babies.
In time, however, you’ll learn that perfection is not something to strive for. Yes, it may be a nice dream but striving for perfection will ultimately drive you crazy. And not always in a good way.
To my oldest child:
I’m sorry that I screwed up as a teenager and that you had such a difficult beginning.
Please know that you are my inspiration and my reminder to never give up. That you can defy all of the odds, because guess what kiddo- you did! Your doctor gave you a 50/50 chance of surviving your first night and look at you now.
I couldn’t be more proud of what you’ve accomplished and it has been an absolute pleasure to watch you grow up into an amazing young man.
Do know that living with your grandmother, while an incredibly difficult decision for me, was in the best interest for you. By growing up with her, you got the attention that you deserved. I don’t love you any less and I hope you know that every day.
To my middle child:
Sweet B, I’m sorry that your father and I couldn’t make it work.
We did try, please believe that and know that it wasn’t because of you. We had issues and we had a multitude of problems that we just couldn’t work past. We both still love you very, very much.
I don’t know how much you understand what’s going on around you, but just because you can’t communicate it doesn’t mean that you don’t understand.
You are a very inspiring young woman and I am absolutely blessed to call you my daughter. I know that there are some days that it’s difficult but we’re both trying.
You do great things, Sweet B, and you are such a light in my life. And it doesn’t matter what people may say or think about you, ignore those dirty looks that you may get when we’re out in public (leave that to me, because I’ll handle that in my own way). You are unique and special in so many ways and I could only hope that the people who judge you could have as a big and as loving of a heart and soul as you.
To my youngest:
Little Squeaker, well, maybe I’ll be sorry for your nickname because I’m sure I’ll be calling you that well into your teenage years.
Mostly, I want to apologize to you because of the insane amount of pressure that you have on you.
Please understand that mommy will do her best to keep this in check, and that daddy has promised to help, because it’s through no fault of your own that you have this pressure. A lot of mommy’s hopes and dreams for having a child that can do regular childhood things (Girl Scouts, after school sports, etc.) are on your shoulders.
Understand that it was passed on when your older sister got her autism diagnosis (because it was previously on her). And I’m sorry for that. I don’t want you to grow up with that kind of pressure because it’s just not fair. It’s not fair to you or your sister.
I know I’m not perfect and I know that I’m bound to have my fair share of mistakes and misjudgments. But I’m trying. And we’ll learn as we go. You’ll all end up teaching me just as much as I try and teach you. I love you all dearly and I always will.
Linking up to: Manic Monday’s Blog Hop