As parents, and as humans really, sometimes we might say things we don’t really mean to say. I know, for me, there are times that my words are very carefully chosen. Often, it’s out of respect for an individual and because I want to polite.
But, believe me here, there have also been plenty of instances where I really wanted to give someone a piece of my mind.
I know the power of words- written and spoken. I also know how to analyze people and exploit their weaknesses. Does that make me a terrible person?
Not really.
I choose not to be this way. I could be this way though. I could produce barb after barb and harmful comment after harmful comment.
But I wouldn’t do this intentionally- it’s not who I am. It’s not the type of person that I aspire to be. And it’s definitely not the type of person I want my kids to see.
However, even with this best of intent; sometimes… just sometimes.. something will slip. And even without meaning to, there are harmful or hurtful words that come out of my mouth.
Parenting in the intense moments
Whether we mean to or not, sometimes people will say some pretty insensitive things. Myths and misinformation certainly don’t help, as outlined in the common myths about autism that people still believe. Parents, sometimes, will still get the blame for their child’s behavior.
And, let’s face it, sometimes it’s easy for us to lose our patience during those intense parenting moments.
Whether it’s being pushed by my autistic daughter’s behavior or my strong-willed child‘s back talking; yes, even I have fallen into this trap.
10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Child
Even in the heat of the moment, there are still things that we just should not say to our children.
- You’re stupid — oh my goodness. Why would you ever say this? Calling someone stupid is a truly personal attack. And often? Kids have enough problems with their self-esteem and self-confidence.
- I love you but.. — do not ever tack on the word “but” with the phrase I love you.
- Why can’t you be normal? — this is one of those things that I get sick of hearing from others, quite honestly. Normal is a setting on your dryer. Not for people.
- If only you’d apply yourself — now, in all fairness, my mom would use this one with me and sometimes it was motivating. Other times? I truly admit, it was frustrating. I understood that I had potential. But then I would just get even more frustrated with myself.
- I wouldn’t wish a child with (insert disability here) on anyone — and you know what? I wouldn’t trust you with my autistic child, either! But to say this to your child who doesn’t understand? For shame.
- You should be ashamed — do not say this to a child unless you are fully prepared to explain why they should be ashamed. And if you’re also prepared to deal with the potentially life-long ramifications and consequences of sending your child on self-esteem dive.
- I hate you — even if your child says this to you — do NOT respond in kind. Your child needs you to love them and to have patience with them. And remember, you are the parent.
- {JOKING} — There’s nothing wrong with a little humor, every so often. In fact, humor helps get through these intense parenting moments. But, to write off your child’s behavior issues with a joke? You aren’t doing anyone any favors.
- You’re just like your mother/father — nope. Do not place blame on your partner, spouse, s/o, or co-parent. Not only are you shaming your child, but you are also bad-mouthing their parent.
- You didn’t take your meds today — oh goodness. Where do I begin with this one? First off, if your child does need medication.. why in the world would you shame them for seeing to their needs? Saying something like this just could be more harmful in the long run.
Kori
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