We all know that sometimes we need to let go of stuff. Decluttering on a regular basis, or maybe twice a year, is a good practice to keep. The same really does apply to people and relationships as well.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you go and completely “clean” out your life. But, it couldn’t hurt to evaluate the relationships that you have. This includes your romantic relationship and your friendships. Take a look at how each relationship impacts your life.
Does spending time with a particular individual leave you feeling more drained than refreshed? Is their negativity impacting your life? Or maybe you have a friend who only seems to spend time with you when they need something.
If that’s the case, you have a toxic friendship and it may just be time to let them go. But how do you let go of people and toxic relationships?
Relationships are a wonderful blessing to have. They can be hard work, but the sense of community they bring is important to a person’s well-being and personal growth. At times, however, there are people in our lives and even in our inner circles who become a source of negative energy.
When this happens, there are a few different choices you can make. One of these choices is to let go of that person. This is a tough decision, but it is sometimes necessary.
6 Tips for How to Let Go of People
Make a Decision
Before you decide to cut someone out of your life, think long and hard as to whether this is indeed the right decision for you.
Is the person in question a dangerous person, or can your issues be worked out? Do they play an important role in your life, or in the lives of your immediate family? Will your decision be helping or harming the people you love? Is there a possible way to work out the dispute? Don’t rush to any sudden decisions.
If you have had a disagreement, lay out your concerns to the individual in a respectful manner. Remember, just because you disagree with someone doesn’t automatically make them the party in the wrong. Speak calmly and choose to act in a peaceful manner. For this, you can even take mediation services where a neutral third-person counsels both parties and tries to resolve the issue between them. These mediators may help you gain a different perspective which will allow you to understand the situation better.
There is no reason to fly off the handle when you have decided you need to let someone go. Choose to be a person who shows maturity. Be kind instead of acting in an inflammatory manner.
Give Your Reasons
Assuming the individual in question has not been violent or abusive to you or your family in any way, it is only fair to let the person you are cutting ties with be privy to the reason why.
State your reasons for the decision and make your intentions clear. Cutting someone out of your life and refusing to discuss it can be very confusing and harmful to them, and to you. Giving an explanation will help you to become more effective at communication.
Listen to Their Side
Cutting someone out of your life, especially someone close to you, is no easy decision. Consider that you may have been acting in the heat of the moment. Ask for their thoughts about your decision, and truly listen to what they have to say about it.
If you have decided this is what you need to do, you will need to be firm.
It is difficult to hear that someone no longer wants you to be in their life, so expect the person you speak with to have strong feelings about the issue. If you have been harmed by this person, be especially firm and careful not to mislead then into thinking that there is a chance to be reunited if there isn’t.
Of course you can change your mind in the future if you feel your decision was wrong, but don’t raise false expectations on the part of someone who is having a hard time letting go.
Making a decision to remove someone from your life takes a lot of thinking, and is not easy. Before you make this decision, think deeply and plan your strategy in advance. Instead of rushing into something you will regret later, plan ahead so you can do it in the most mature and careful way possible, in the best interest of all involved.
6 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
It’s a fact of life that some relationships go through the occasional rough patch. In most cases, these are worked out; either through rational discussion or some arguing, but the issues get resolved. However, there are some situations that are not acceptable.
This is often referred to as a toxic relationship. Here are some signs to look for to see if your relationship is toxic.
* Your mate or friend attempts to force you to be dependent on them for basic needs.
* You have made changes you normally wouldn’t have to keep them pleased.
* They control your life and check up on you to make sure you’re doing what they think you should.
* They verbally put you down in front of other people.
* They are physically, mentally or emotionally abusive or manipulative.
* Their is no evidence that they actually love you, though they may say otherwise.
In short, toxic people are not good to be around, they’re poison in the figurative sense. So, how does anybody get into such a relationship, and why do they stay? On the surface, the easy answer is that nobody would or should, but the reality is that they do.
The reason for this is that toxic relationships run in cycles.
There are three basic stages: the honeymoon, where everything seems good and there is lots of hope for a happier future; the problem stage, this is where the actual problems occur; reconciliation, where the offending party makes up for what they did wrong. This then leads right back to the honeymoon stage and it starts all over again.
Once you know about this cycle, it’s easier to understand how people get trapped in bad relationships. There is really only one stage where things seem bad. After that, they see their toxic mate is trying to do better and is sorry for what they did.
Everybody deserves a second chance, right? Then the honeymoon phase is going great, they’re happy again, and willing to forgive and forget. But, then the problems start again.
So, why don’t people get out of toxic relationships at this point?
Well, if you think about it, you can see that they already have proof that their partner can change. This proof comes in the form of the prior reconciliation stage. From an objective observer that can be hard to believe, but that’s how the person in the relationship sees it. And, there’s also another honeymoon stage right around the corner.
What’s the key to getting out?
Think of it as an addiction.
The drug is the problem stage, and the honeymoon stage is the high that is felt. And you can’t get the high without the drug. Therefore, if you are in a toxic relationship, you must break out of it at the problem stage. Now that you know the signs you can be ready to take action. Don’t kid yourself. Get help. Do whatever you need to do to get the respect you truly deserve.
It will be difficult, but you will have a happier life when you do.
Toxic people and relationships can really do a number on your mental health. It can also impact you emotionally and physically. Take a moment to evaluate your life and the relationships in it. If a relationship or person is having a negative impact, consider letting them go.
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